Father's Day

Fathers Day
June 21, 2009
Pastor Ben Fleming

This message today is for fathers and mothers, it is for grandfathers and grandmothers, for single men, and single women. It comes as a result of reading Voddie Baucham’s book “What He Must Be… if he wants to marry my daughter”, and it comes as a result of my thoughts about the suffering and grief my son Benjamin has gone through and continues to go through, and it comes as I ponder my own father. I am taking a week off from the gospel of John – we will come back to it next week. Being a godly father is tough. Building boys into men is tough. Being a girl and knowing what kind of a guy you want to marry is tough – and many godly girls wonder where are they? Most moms and dads hope that their girls are going to find the right guy and live happily ever after. Most parents close their eyes real hard and hope that the stars will align and the right man will come along. Most girls believe that it is more painful to wait for the right guy than it is to take a risk.

Fathers – these attitudes are a mistake. The bible is very clear and has spoken about who our daughters should look for. What can we do as a church family to make a difference in our community and in our families when it comes to fathering and building future families that bring glory to God especially in building godly men for godly women?

Fathering is serious business in God’s eyes. Look at the top of your outline at the words Moses writes down for us. Exodus 20:5-6 “I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands who love me and keep my commandments.” God says that he visits the sins of the fathers against their children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Him. So, on this fathers day – I want to challenge every man in this room. What kind of a father are you and what kind of a father do you want to be? Fathering never stops. I speak to my 84 year old father at least 3 times a week. I want to hear from him. I want him to know what is going on in my life and the lives of his grandchildren.

The bible is full of scripture for fathers. Deut 6 tells fathers to impress the commandments of God upon their children. The commands of God do not get impressed upon your kids by bringing them to Sunday School and youth group alone --- they need dad teaching them the command of God and talking about them to them. The word impress means that an impression is left behind. Dave Moore makes and sells a commemorative coin to the postal employees to raise money for a charity. The impression in the coin was not just hap hazard – it took some planning and some time. To impress upon our children takes involvement in and lots of time. Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I see the discipline and instruction in the younger years and if you do that you also get the opportunity to do it when they are older. My son is 27 and I am still instructing him – especially during this time of suffering and grief that he and his wife are going through.

On November 26,2006 my son was standing beside me and his bride to be stood in front of me with her father. I asked the question, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” Well I knew that my son had asked Joe Wicks for permission to marry his daughter. Joe said, her mother and I. What did Joe mean when he said that? I am praying that I will be asked that question twice in my life as a father. Is that question just a traditional American wedding question? It is not…. It is biblical.

Jeremiah 29:6 says “Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage.” Fathers do indeed give away their daughters. So when a father does that – does he care who he is giving his daughter to? What does he know about the guy?

When he says “her mother and I” – he is saying, “I have evaluated and appraised this man and I trust him with the most precious thing in the world, my little girl.” Most fathers would not even know how to evaluate a young guy and most dads are not engaged in raising their sons to be evaluated by another father.

What does a daughter look for? Is it only the spark and the looks? Does the bible speak as to what a girl should look for and does the bible speak as to what a mom and dad should be training and growing a young man to become? Yes it does!!!!!!!!! I am going to briefly go through some Non – negotiables that daughters must be looking for and fathers and mothers must be building in the lives of young men. These ideas have formulated with me from reading Voddie Baucham. It is a father’s responsibility to teach his daughters these non negotiables and to encourage her not to settle for less. He does not have to be perfect – you will never find a young man who has these all together – but you tell me why – should godly young women have to settle for less? MANY FILL IN THE BLANKS

1. A young man must be a genuine follower of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what does righteousness and wickedness have in common?” Many young men will think they are a Christian with their lips but deny Him with their life. It is rare to hear a young man engage in a meaningful discussion about his conversion to Christ – most often we will hear such things as “I accepted Him into my life” – “I have been a Christian all my life” or “I responded to an altar call.” You do not find these ideas in the bible. Let me give you three biblical indicators of a genuine believer in Christ.

* A true believer is regenerate. That means he is born again. It means that he has experienced a subjective change in his soul that has been brought about by the grace of God. John 1:13 told us that rebirth was the work of God. So – ask his pastor if he believes this and has regeneration happened in the young mans life. Not only should the young lady find this out – the father must.

* A true believer is repentant. A man cannot claim being a Christian and he has not repented and he is not continuing to repent. It is at the core of what it means to be a believer. Jesus said in Matthew 3:2 “Repent of the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” The apostle Paul said, “bear fruit in keeping with repentance” and in other places you will read, “bear fruit.” You do not have to be a Christian for a long time to repent. We have seen it happen in 4 lives this past year in our church family. 3rd indicator

* A true believer is reformed. What I mean by that is that he can identify and talk about changes in his life. He can see real spiritual fruit in his life and he knows what it is. The best description of this is found in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.” So Fathers – does your son know what it means to be a true believer in Christ? Does your daughter??? Do you??? Think about it: Why would a loving father gladly say in response to the preacher when he is asked – “Who gives this woman to be married to this man”? Her mother and I. Why would a father give his daughter gladly away to a false believer in Christ? 2nd non - negotiable

2. A young man must be committed to biblical headship. This is the area of leadership. Fathers, are we teaching our sons to be leaders? Do we ourselves know what it means to be a biblical leader of our families? Biblical headship is found right in the beginning of the bible Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “it is not good for a man to be alone; I will make a suitable helper fit for him.” Not only is it essential for a young man to know and identify leadership it is essential for a young girl to as well. We not only have to teach our boys leadership we have to teach our girls submission. Voddie Baucham is talking her about loving leadership. You can see loving leadership in a home and you can see the absence of it. I believe a rebellious wife is a result of a husband who has not lovingly lead her. Sons grow up seeing that and end up having no idea men of how to be a godly leader. It does not matter if a young man does not have a father who models biblical leadership – young man who want to --- ought to be able to find it in his church family. We men must create and model a climate of loving spiritual leadership in our church. Boys will follow other boys who are leaders – the question is what kind of a leader do you want your boy to follow? Girls – who is the guy following that you are attracted to? Does he have relationships with older godly men??

3. A young man must welcome children. Comment about our society… Ps. 127:3 – 5a (ESV) “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with children”. This is what the bible says about children. Children are a blessing. Our culture says that children are a blight – if you have lots of children you are cursed. The question is not can this young man make children but the question is this, “is this young man desiring and willing to learn how to be a father? 4th non negotiable

4. A young man must become a suitable priest. I am telling fathers what their sons must become and I am telling young ladies what to look for in a man – but men these same non negotiable points we must be. God has called us to be priests. It does not matter if you are in your 50’s with no kids at home. Simply – a priest is an intercessor. He is one who prays. 1 Timothy 2:8 “I want men everywhere to lift up holy hand in prayer, without anger and disputing.” Paul says to Timothy in the church there must be men who pray – they not only pray publically but privately. Do men know how to pray? Do men get involved in prayer? Does a young man pray? Most men do not pray and young men do not pray. Fathers – do we pray? Do we pray with our wives? Do our children hear us pray? Do our children here us only pray after our wives say – “honey aren’t you going to pray?”

My son did not learn how to pray by going to a prayer school or a prayer group – he learn how to pray from his dad. He learned how to pray when he heard his dad faithfully pray out loud with him almost every day. Every wife – every young godly lady wants a guy who prays. Now… I think I pray as a father and I have taught my son to pray but in preparing this message I read 2 Timothy 1:3 – Paul writes to Timothy – “I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayer night and day.” I have to conclude that I do not pray for my family enough. I do not pray with my wife enough. I do not pray with my children enough. Men – I tell you to pray – and I know that is kind of guilt trip – because I know you do not pray enough – here is what I would say to you guys – you can try and come to our men’s prayer – 6 am – not convient for some and some of us are not early risers --- you can come at 9 am on the first Sunday of every month to pray together --- you can pray with us on Wed nights --- but there is one thing you can do --- begin to pray with your family – let your family hear your words out loud --- you have no family to pray with and to learn how to pray – then pray with your church family. What do you pray????

Philippians 1:9 -10 “And this is my prayer: I pray that __________ love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.” I have prayed that prayer and the next one in Colossians for my family for 20 years.

Colossians 1:9 -10 “For this reason, since the day we heard about _________, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” I do not think there is an excuse for a believer not to pray and say they do not know what to pray. The most powerful prayers you can pray are the Word of God itself. So – do our men know how to pray? Do they pray with others? Are they becoming priests?? Start right now with your boys ----

5th non negotiable
5. A young man must become a prophet. Regardless of what you think a prophet is – in the New Testament a prophet is one who simply teaches or knows God’s Word. Most of the men in here have heard verse 25 but not verse 26 Ephesians 5:25 -26 “Husbands, love your wives, but as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.” How does a man love His wife? By washing her with the Word of God. How can he do that when he does not know it? How can he do that when he does not read it?

2 Timothy 3:16 “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” When does a young man start to become a man of the word of God? Listen fathers – our sons are watching us. My son told me that the #1 thing he remembered growing up was that he saw me reading my bible. He did not remember what I said to him. He did not remember Sunday School – going to camp – but he remembered seeing me read my bible. What is important to us as fathers becomes what is important to our sons. Listen young ladies --- you want to know what a guy is like who you are attracted to – you want to know if he is learning to be a prophet ---- ask him for his bible and go through it and see how used it is. Does he know what the habit of regular devotions is all about? Does he know where to find the Ten Commandments in the bible? Does he know where the gospel message is found? Guys ---- you do not have dad who teaches you and trains you ---many guys do not-------- but you have a church family of men who can train you and teach you to become a priest if you just make it a priority in your life. Fathers --- I am not talking about some class or some formal book you buy to make your kids prophets --- the Word of God is not that rigid. Psalm 78:4-8 gives us fathers a picture…” We will not hide the teachings from our children, but we will tell the next generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they might set their hope in God.”

6. A young man must be a protector. Most fathers know that they must teach their sons to be a protector of women. 1 Peter 3:7 calls a woman a weaker vessel. That is in no way a put down it simply says that she is physically weaker – so a how does a young man learn to become a protector? He must develop personal strength – wisdom and courage. How can you detect this in a man? How can you see if a man is a protector? Big muscles? Tatoos? Three area dads that you must target in your own life and in the life of your son. Ladies --- look for these three keys.

* He must be a man of personal holiness. A young man who lacks a commitment to pursuing a holy life will also lack a commitment to protect a wife. A young man who cares nothing about what he sees and where he goes will care even less once he gets a woman.

* He must be a man of true gentleness. Gentleness guys does not mean being timid. Gentleness is strength under control. A gentle guy when he gets married will protect her by not dealing harshly with her. Ladies, ask yourself, how does this guy treat those around him who are weak? 3rd key to a protector is

* He must be a man of great resolve. A man of resolve is one who runs the race to the end. He is one who completes the challenge. He does not give up – He does not avoid and make excuses – He runs the race to the end. He does what he knows he has to do. You see this already in young guys who complete their homework and work hard helping in any way that they can. He is not a guy who is content to cruise – in his personal life – his spiritual life and in his relationships with others. A protector is a young man of personal holiness – true gentleness and great resolve. Dad’s are you modeling that for your boys? Ladies – do you really know what to look for in a guy who claims to be a protector?

7. A young man must be a provider. Few men would argue that it is not their role to provide for their families. The bible tells us in 1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
What does that mean? What does it mean to be a provider for your family? What does it mean in a young man?

* We must teach our boys a work ethic – biblical manhood is always characterized by a willingness to work. My dad must have found out that I stole the model car from Ben Franklin because as a 10 year old – he taught me how to mow lawns and thus began my drive to become the best lawn mowing boy in the community. I must have mowed more lawns than anyone – out east – lawns are big and my dad did not own a riding mower. When I was 17 I bought my truck – a slant 6 Dodge – paid cash for it. The bible makes no room for lazy men. In Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” You can identify a slacker real easy. If a boy is a slacker as a teenager he is going have a hard time in his 20’s. Father’s why would you ever think of giving your daughter away to a guy who has a poor work ethic??

* We must teach our boys to have a plan. Fathers, this starts when our kids are small. We teach them the value of money. We teach them to budget. We teach them to save and pay cash. How can a young man provide when he himself knows and has no skill in managing money? He could have a minimum wage job – he does not have to make 6 figures. If a guy is a provider he is master of money and money is not master of him. Many young men walk into marriage with not even the basic understanding of what the word provision means. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines provide as === to procure before hand, to get, to collect or make ready for future use. Listen: “If you hear a guy say – “well cross that bridge when we get to it.” ---- run ----- credit is not the answer. Failure to plan is planning to fail. Fathers – we teach our children. We teach them when they are young. We are not loving by providing everything they ask for. We are not loving when they do not see a work ethic in our own lives and when we do not impart it to them.

Closing:
I realize on this Father’s Day this is an enormous challenge we have ahead of us. But – I know that men love challenges. Fathers it is a challenge to train our boys. It is a challenge to examine our own lives and see how we men are doing in these non negotiables. I know God is full of grace and patience with us – but He commands us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. Let’s have a healthy fear when it comes to the family. Girls – I challenge you to wait for God’s best and trust Him for His timing.

Prayer: Pray for the fathers --- Pray for the young ladies