Ben and Becky

Ben and Becky called on Tuesday night to say that the doctor told them their baby girl has a severe birth defect and if she makes it to term she most likely will die 24 hours after birth. The following is my 4th day entry and the 4th day of my 40 day fast.

Day 4

Ps 66:20 "Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer." Lord is this true for us? The light of Christ is not hard to find if as a genuine believer you are looking. I held the hand of Dave Moore after his cancer surgery and he wanted to know right away about Ben and Becky and tears ran down his face. We were given a card by Andy Getas and Cheryl opened it at home and after a hard cold day - she wept. We recieved an email from Stacie Brady today with the story of their journey and deep hope and oil began to flow.

The Word of God is living and continue to shine. Isaiah 40:13 "Who has understood the ind of the Lord or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, who taught him the right way?

Seems like this journey is without His kindness. It is grief deeper as it seems to have no beginning step of healing like Caleb's did. Where is the hand of God? It seems like a continual punishing hand - my son last night says he feels bitter. 20 more weeks? Where the grace and mercy of God? I find myself taking a step back from God with a greater fear of God but in disappointment feeling less of His tenderness. I do not say why but I can say why not.

Maybe I feel like Job's friends as I stand in a distance from Ben and Becky. In Job 2 his friends got together and went to him and sat with him and said nothing - maybe I will do that next weekend?

Oh the thoughts of the mind. Isaiah 44:3 "I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring and my blessing on your descendants - they shall spring up like grass in a meadow, like popular trees by flowing streams" Are those words a joke? Are they promises for us?

I feel somewhat like my son. It seems like a cruel journey - 20 weeks - why rub it in? Why drive it deeper - suffering is suffering - why drag it out? Oh God teach how to suffer daily and weekly and monthly and yearly. Job did not charge God with wrongdoing - I am not Job - I feel God is wrong.

Thank you for letting me write.

Ben

PS. Ben and Becky go to the specialist on Wed the 27th. Their nurse friend Becky Harris is going with them. Please ask God that they will not hear him utter the words - "please terminate this pregnancy."